Taken from an excerpt from 'Richmond's Theory of Mass vs. Energy Expeniture in
Relation to Toddlers achieving C Fractional Speeds', 1956


"We all know that it is physically impossible for a human being to
reach the speed of light unprotected and unaided, correct? From careful
observation of small children, specifically toddlers, I have come to the
conclusion that this is incorrect. After painstaking calibration of highly
specialized equipment, I have noticed that children actually break the speed
of light, which is one possible explanation as to why a child is never to be
found when one is needed for chores and such. However, to offset this, it
appears that they leave a perfectly normal afterimage, which is an effect
created by the child warping the fabric of space. This, in addition to other
evidence, leads me to the conclusion that small children are, in fact, capable
of not only time travel, but unprotected spaceflight.
More supporting evidence for this startling discovery exists simply in
the amount young children sleep and eat. While this does not seem odd to most,
take into account that the closer to the speed of light, the more energy you
expend (exponentially, in fact). Thus, their constant napping and feeding can
easily be explained as a side effect caused by achieving such rapid speeds for
more than two hours a day. Thus, their sugar and calorie intake is simply
enough to marginally sustain them while their bodies make the tremendous
repairs. This particular hypothesis is also supported by the evidence that
small children are highly resilient, which can be supported by various
instances where children have survived injuries that proved fatal to an adult.
As such, small children are essentially wrapped in a permanent
space/time dialation effect, which inevitably leads them to believe time is
moving slowly as opposed to our adult clockwork. This can be supported by the
law of time dialation, where the clockwork of one moving 'clock' will tick
more slowly than a stationary 'clock'. Therefore, let us conclude that..."